Sweet Nothing.

What is so enticing about the sweet nothings? How can we explain the elation we feel from a bit of anything that is in reality, nothing?

Isn't that the constant theme in many of our lives? We can't move on because of the empty words that we want to hear; the nothing that fills us. 

Calvin Harris - Sweet Nothing ft. Florence Welch

Has my heart been taken? Has this happened before? 

Rainy Hellos.

Hello again.

It's been more than a few months of hiatus once again. I keep telling myself to keep up with my posts so I can reflect on them in the future and for whoever still reads this.

Here are some things that have happened:

April 15, 2011 - April 22, 2011: Alternative Spring Break Outreach in New Orleans, LA.
May 25, 2011: Graduation
May 26, 2011: Officially moved in to a house off campus
June 2011: "In transition" Graduate Assistant
June 7, 2011: My 22nd birthday
July 2011: Awaiting a response from the MA TESOL program at Stony Brook University.

I'm sure there's so much more to write about, but I haven't been thinking about it much lately.

I think I'll try writing once again.

It's been raining.

Sleepless Hunger.

I'm in the third week of my last semester of my undergraduate years.

As I've mentioned to my friends, the line "it was all good just a week ago" seems to be a reoccurring theme. Although I must say, the bad decisions make good stories.

In other news, believe I have once again ruined my sleep cycle.

The weird thing is that, even though I go out on Thursdays and Fridays, I wake up relatively early for a night out. You would think I'd climb out of bed at four or five, but I've managed to wake up at times from noon to three. I suppose I just made the cut off.

Days when I have class are even worse. I go to bed at around four or five and wake up for class or work around nine in the morning. I don't think the iced coffees from Starbucks are helping me fall asleep at night, but they're definitely giving me the energy I need to stay awake.

I have so much energy right now that I don't know what to do with it.

I think I'll just type whatever comes to mind.

I've been a bundle of emotions lately. I think I may be worse than a hormonal pregnant woman. I think I'll be better this week.

Anyway, I just finished watching the movie Julie & Julia, which is based on the true story of the life of the cook Julia Child and a blogger Julie Powell. I was curious enough to find her blog, which is still up: http://blogs.salon.com/0001399/

Bon Appetite!

After watching the movie, which I never found a reason to watch, I am quite hungry. My stomach growled at the sight of the delicious recipes in the movie. It was quite upsetting. However, this "feel good" movie makes me want to do better in life. Am I weird for thinking that?

The life I wish to share is quite boring at the moment.

Night Terrors.

Throughout Winter Break I've had a few strange dreams here and there.

It's been a week into the Spring Semester and for a few days in a row now, I've been having weird dreams that lead into nightmares.

The bad dreams aren't the type where you wake up in a cold sweat. It's more of a "what the fuck" type feeling, where you open your eyes and just think to yourself, "Did I really just dream that?"

Sometimes, I get the chills when I manage to piece together what happened in these story lines that occur during my sleep. In the end, I manage to forget most of my dreams, even if I took the time to replay them in my mind. I just remember the feeling that I get... the uneasiness.

For the past two nights, I haven't had any bad dreams.

I believe the reason behind this is due to my consumption of alcohol throughout the night and the odd hours I've put into my sleep cycle. I think I'm just so worn out that my body needs to recover, thus preventing my mind from doing anymore work such as creating a confusing mess of my fears and anxieties, depicted through my dreams.

It makes me wonder what I'm so scared of. It makes me wonder what's going on inside my head.

Sad, isn't it?

Something Else Can Possibly Go Wrong.

The title is pretty self-explanatory.

Something else went wrong.

I thought I was okay, but I guess I'm not. I developed a sick feeling in my stomach that won't go away (no, I do not need to go number two).

I think everything I've done or felt in the past that I've kept bottled up is starting to overflow.

I can't concentrate and all I want to do is sleep. These may be the signs of depression.

I've felt tired like this before, but I never had this knot feeling.

We'll see how things go.

Clichés.

I've managed to make a mess of things in my last year of college.

Isn't that supposed to be some sort of cliché for high school?

Some things have blown over and some things are still raw.

Mmm time for self-reinvention... again.

Looking at things in another way, what else could possibly go wrong at this point? I'm already used to everything that has happened and I already have people who like me for who I am.

I kind of want to go out and make bad decisions.

Boys, booze, and cigs... a recipe for disaster.

Maybe I'll think about it before I actually do anything. Hmm...

Finding The Greatest Irony of Love on Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

I found this on a friend's tumblr. I thought it was interesting.

The Greatest Irony of Love, by Unknown

The greatest irony of love: Loving the right person at the wrong time or having the wrong person when the time is right; finding out you love someone after that person walks out of your life. For some, they think that letting go is one way of expressing how much they love that person. Some are afraid to see the one they love being held by someone else. Most relationships tend to fail not because of the absence of love, but because love is always present. It’s just that one was being loved too much, and the other was being loved too little. Most often, we fall in love with the person we think we love, but to only discover that for them we are just for past times. While the one who truly loves us remains either your friend or a stranger.

When you think of your past love; you may view it as a failure; but when you find a new love, you view the past as a teacher. In the game of love, it doesn’t really matter who won or who lost. What’s important is that you know when to hold on and when to let go. You know that you love someone when you want him or her to be happy, even if their happiness means that you’re not apart of it. Everything happens for a reason and for its best. If the person you love doesn’t love you back, don’t be afraid to love someone else again, for you’ll never know unless you give it a try.

You’ll never truly love a person, unless you risk for their love; love strives in hurting. If you don’t get hurt, then you won’t learn how to love. Love doesn’t hurt all the time; though the hurting is there to test you, to help you grow. Don’t find love, let love find you; that’s why it’s called falling in love, because you don’t need to force yourself to love, you just fall. You cannot finish a book without closing the chapters. If you want to move on, then you have to leave the past as you turn the pages.

Love is not destroyed by a single failure or won by a single caress. But why is it that the greatest irony of love is letting go when you want to hold on, and holding on when you need to let go? You can never find the right person if you can never let it go of the wrong, but at the same time the moment you feel like letting go, you remember why you held on for so long. Sometimes you have to forget what you want and remember what you deserve.

To love is to risk rejection, to live is to risk dying and to hope is to risk failure. But risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing at all. To reach for another is to risk involvement, to expose your feelings is to expose your true self. To love is to risk not being loved in return.

How to define love: Fall but do not stumble. Be constant but not too persistent. Share and never be unfair. Understand and try not to demand. Hurt but never keep the pain.

Love is supposed to be the most wonderful feeling. It should inspire you and give you joy and strength. But sometimes the things that give you joy can also hurt you in the end. Loving people means giving them the freedom; whom they choose to be and where they choose to go. Loving someone means giving them the freedom to find their way, whether it leads towards you or away from you.

Love can be a painful risk. To love means that risk must be taken, no matter how scary or painful, for only then will you experience the fullness of humanity of what we call love. If you’re not ready to cry, if you’re not ready to take the risk and if you’re not ready to feel the pain, then you’re not ready to fall in love.